hol(EE) †rini†(EE) [Prod. ruffian]

from hightmares by ruffian

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lyrics

Smoke settles, dust clears
Ask you all please don’t come near
Just let me stay
Please stay
Don’t say what I mean to
But said what I saw
Saw what I need to
And it was all my flaws
And it all just circulates
Percolates likes the herbs of my pastime
But I’d say it’s past time I gave it all up
No more trying to climb up or stay up
Cause I lied awake all night
Just stuck in my plight
Sharing my mind with myself
Or was it somebody else
This unwelcomed guest
Made me mentally profess
But I’ve got to confess
Hiroshima fall out
Bulimia it all out
Till this sick twisted mental funk
Has sunk back into non-existence
Cause I’m losing my persistence
And I don’t want to lose me
But right now its like
What’s the difference?
Can’t recognize myself
There’s just no resemblance
Tried to gather me but it faded in an instance
My thoughts aren’t mine
They’re just dilapidated implants

And they honestly freak me out
Leaking out my mouth
And there’s just no resistance
Can’t control what I need for subsistence
It used to be so cool
Thought I was the shit
But it’s all gone just in a blip or a rip
My sanity decided to dip
And I can live with that
Cause I know that it’s not me
But I didn’t know that I’d be who haunts me
While the bile in my thoughts tries to taunt me
Kind of strange cause right now I don’t know who’d want me
Civil war to the ninth degree
Occupation but there’s nowhere to flee
Barking dogs in my conscious mind forcing me up precarious trees
But it all started with trees
So it’s only fitting since I got it in my chest
That I get it off my chest
Admit that I’m stressed
Think of leaving this flesh to be one with the universe
Mind meld with infinity
Space, time, and me
My own holy trinity